be strong for me, i'll be strong for you.

Yikes! I guess I'm still not completely used to this blog thing, it's been a few days!

First and foremost I want to wish a (slightly belated) most wonderful and happy twenty-fifth anniversary to my Mum and Dad! I feel so unbelievably lucky and blessed to have two such incredible role models. Twenty-five years and they are still more in love than ever, and I have always admired how perfect my parents are for each other. Anyone would be lucky to find the kind of love that they have, and I am so fortunate to have grown up with that kind of love in our family. I just hope I don't get in trouble for posting a photo on my blog ... hehe. Jamie and I made them these shirts for Christmas and it just goes to show how AWESOME my Mum and Dad are! Here's to 25 more wonderful years! I love you both.

So this year I got to celebrate with Mum since Dad had to be away for work, but he ever so generously sent us to a beautiful B&B, Chez Shea in Kinkora, PEI. We were completely spoiled and enjoyed massages, delicious fresh food, and pedicures in the morning! It was really wonderful, and I was overjoyed to be able to spend the day with my darling Mum!

 Mum and I showing off our pampered tootsies!

If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh

Back in Challenge land, I had my last (for now!) class at MYC on Tuesday with Sasha, and it was absolutely fantastic! There was a really wonderful energy in that class and I felt confident and strong.  I absolutely loved my experience at MYC and can't wait to head home for another visit so I can stop in again! Much love to everyone in Charlottetown!

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
-- Henry Ford

Day eight, Wednesday, brought me back to Halifax. After waking up with a very annoying head cold and a 4-hour shuttle ride I just wanted to get into the hot room and stretch myself out. Time for my second Jivamukti class! It was fantastic, just as the week before. Energizing music got us started off and the beginning of class was so fast and invigorating. I did feel a little out of sorts for some reason, but got back into it. I did find this Wednesday's class a little more challenging however. I had to take it a bit more easy thanks to my congested head - it made backbends a little difficult, but I did my best! Not as much time was spent on inversions this week, although I did get a little more ambitious with my handstand. As Kirsten suggested, instead of moving in from Downward Dog I tried going up against the wall in I guess a modified Down Dog that involved walking my feet backwards up the wall until my body formed an L-shape against the wall. That was about as far as I got, but it is definitely a new feeling to allow myself to just let go and be upside down, to feel all of my weight in my two hands. I definitely realized my arms are not nearly strong enough to try it unsupported, but hopefully next week I'll be able to go up a little higher, or at least try it against the wall. I might even feel okay to start trying it at home! We shall see I guess ... One thing I will say about this week's Jivamukti is it is a HOT and heavy workout! Definitely a big sweater that one. Near the end we approached my new favourite - Shoulder Stand - and Kirsten announced we'd be holding this for five whole minutes!! Excited and apprehensive, I raised myself up from Plow and managed to hold it for a minute or a bit more before I had to lower myself down and try again. My problem in Shoulder Stand is that I find it difficult not to splay my elbows out to the side, rather than keeping them in tight to my body. I did have to re-enter the pose a couple of times, but still was able to hold it as best I could! Needless to say, final Savasana was a welcome sensation on day eight, as I felt my muscles settling down and relaxing for the first time in 90 minutes. I relished this moment and let myself sink deeper and deeper into the mat, forgetting about everything else around me.

Now, in the past I have had a few very emotionally intense moments in the hot room, particularly last summer after my Dad's side of the family suffered the loss of my Poppa and my cousin Jodi only two weeks apart. This day, as I felt myself melting and becoming part of the floor, the music switched to "Hallelujah" (the Jeff Buckley version). This is one of the songs we played at Poppa's funeral, and was also the last time I saw my beautiful cousin Jo. Maybe it was the intensity I felt from practice, maybe it was a release of emotions and feelings, but on hearing that song it was like a flood coming out of me. I don't think I even realized I was crying right away, the tears flowed strong and silent as I laid there aching; aching from physical exhaustion, from the pounding I could feel in my congested head, from the emotions that were now pouring out of me. I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to get up and disengage from this cathartic moment. I realized that this was the first time I had really let myself go and cry since I started taking antidepressants in early May. I hadn't really realized how much I had been needing it, and I didn't want to let it go.
Doing yoga this past year - and especially the last couple of months - has really been helping me strive to learn how to live with my emotions and with myself. I have always been emotionally sensitive, and tend to let them take control of me, no matter which direction they may go. Yoga has been keeping me grounded, giving me something to pour these emotions into. I think only lately have I really been able to use the knowledge that, like my yoga, my life is always changing, and learning and growing. I am realizing they are not one without the other, and I am so grateful to have a real love and passion for what I am doing right now and the way I am starting to be more connected with the way I feel. When we were still in Winnipeg, Jodi was always trying to get me to go to hot yoga with her, and I never did. I always regretted it, but I guess now I am able to look at it more as something we're finally doing together.
I felt all of this in the hot room on Wednesday, and instead of rushing out to leave, I stayed with it until I realized that I didn't have to wait for it to subside. This feeling, this longing and sadness didn't have to control me all of the time, but I will never fully let it go either, and that's okay. If yoga has taught me anything it's about listening to my body, to my mind and knowing that my progress is the sum of everything I have done up to this point, and I could never be where I am without each and every change, gain, and loss. Once the song ended, the next one that played was 'Have A Little Faith' by Michael Franti, and one point in the song he repeats be strong for me, I'll be strong for you, and in that moment I felt like I could really do this. Yoga was helping me be strong and giving me something to look forward to each day; my 'me' time that I have so come to savour.
I feel like this challenge and upcoming cleanse is helping me to get back in touch with myself, and I can't wait to see what is in store next.

Day nine, Thursday I went to the 4 pm class with Lauren, which was fantastic! The energy in the room was invigorating; I love Lauren's smooth style and calm, soothing tone guiding you through the postures. What really stands out is when we did a variation of Rabbit from a seated position which provided a spectacular stretch to my upper back and shoulders that lifted me out of my waist. I left that evening feeling energized, like I could spend hours more in the hot room. My body is really starting to settle into doing yoga every day - and love every moment it!

Day ten, Friday I started off my day with the 9:30 am class (getting it out of the way before heading to pick up Alexis at the airport)!I love starting off my day in the hot room; sweating out the night's sleep, cleansing my body for a new day. I love tracing my progress each class when I settle into Downward Dog periodically through class. It is a perfect progress meter as I let my head hang to stare at my feet as they inch ever closer to being flat on the mat. The stretch on either side of my ankle is so elongating; I relish each moment I can feel the individual muscle fibers lengthening with each moment in the pose. Adho Mukha Svanasana is often where I regain my confidence; I find my current study of physiology strikingly appropriate to my challenge and experience with yoga. I am so much more aware of all the processes simultaneously involved in expanding and contracting each muscle through the tips of my toes through my feet and legs, the sides of my torso, my front and back, through my shoulders and down my arms and out my fingertips. How my breath works to coordinate each movement and bring me back to my practice, or slow my heartbeat when we lay in mid-Savasana after the standing series. I've also started practicing my shoulder stands once final Savasana has ended. I am still a little bent in my legs, but slowly making progress at straightening them! It was a spectacular way to start an exciting day ahead!

It's been so fantastic spending time with Alexis the last few days! Catching up and hanging out has been great - a favourite moment being out downtown on Friday night, refusing to believe when we go out here we actually walk the hills in 3-inch heels! Sometimes I forget the differences between here and the prairies!

Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use.

-- Ruth Gordon

After an evening of wine and excellent company, I was really looking forward to my Saturday morning class on day eleven! There is absolutely nothing better than stepping out into the sunshine and sweating out a little hangover in the hot room! I felt surprisingly balanced and stable. I find I prefer the ninety minute classes because I love being able to sink into the poses for a little longer, or adding a Wide-Legged forward bend here and there. Today I found my most frustrating moment during the spine strengthening series, when I move from Baby Cobra into Locust and finally Bow Pose my hip bones are trying to carve out a space in the very sturdy floor. It feels like bruising almost, and a chat with Kirsten and Kyla after class gave me a few pointers. I will definitely try having more padding under my hips. Another promising practice of Shoulder Stand afterwards and I was ready to show Alexis some Halifax sights! We started off at the Seaport Farmer's Market, meandering the aisles and examining local artisans and delicious snacks. My tomato, mozzarella and basil buckwheat crepe was spectacular!
After spending a while examining the merchandise at Heather's Feathers, we both decided to go for feather hair extensions; I'd been admiring them for a while so we went for it! I absolutely love it - they're supposed to stay in for 1-6 months, so we'll see! I've already gotten a few compliments, so I can't be totally crazy! Alexis will start the trend in Winnipeg, and Jamie now has a world of bird-related humour to tease me with! Next we had some sunny afternoon Caesars and mojitos on the Shoe Shop patio, a quintessential Halifax summer tradition. At least for us so far! It was an afternoon of Halifax hot spots as we journeyed to 1867 at the Keith's Brewery tour. The theatrical presentation was highly entertaining, and I was surprised to learn Alexander Keith had been mayor of Halifax three separate times! Then it was on to The Fireside for my favourite: baked goat cheese! I figured the weekend should be my time to indulge in all of my favourite things before I start my cleanse.

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.
-- Abraham Lincoln

Day twelve did not go so well for me - Saturday night had me up all night with a really horrible cough, and I just didn't feel like I could go in the hot room the way I was feeling. Unfortunately this meant I missed the cleanse meeting as well (which I heard Brittanie made some delicious squares for!) But I'll still be able to keep track of everyone's progress once I start tomorrow! I will be able to make up for my lack of practice today with a double duty on Tuesday or Wednesday - I'd really like to try my first Level II, as well as PowerFlow with Dina on Wednesday! An exciting week ahead!

 All great achievements require time. 

-- Maya Angelou

As crappy as I was feeling from my cold, waking up today on day thirteen my body felt tight, like I'd been curled up like a snail and my muscles needed to stretch and move. I took the 12:00 class with Sarah, and I could just feel my body sighing in thanks as I stretched out on my mat today. I already feel like one day is too many to go without doing yoga! I hope I don't lose that enthusiasm and longing because (as I seem to be fond of saying) I absolutely relish the time I spend on my mat. Even though the weather was rainy and chilly, the energy in the studio was strong and warm. I did feel a little overwhelmed today in Camel, but am really getting better at using my breath to bring myself back up. The spine strengthening series arrived and I tried it with a folded towel under my hips, which helped a lot! Sarah's instruction also made me realize I tend to prop myself up on my hips, so I practiced shifting my weight into the soft part of my tummy during Bow, which is a little difficult but is definitely a huge help! It helped me feel radiant on a very dreary east coast day!
As my last day before I start my cleanse, and Alexis' last day in Halifax, we decided a seafood feast was in order. A trip to the Bedford Highway fisherman's market saw us home with five pounds of lobster, a pound each of scallops and mussels, and half a dozen Malpeque oysters. I'll let the incredible-looking photos speak for themselves; Jamie really outdid himself tonight and delivered a completely spectacular seafood extravaganza!

Fresh mussels in a white wine, garlic and onion broth.

Malpeque oysters two ways: fresh lemon and habanero or red wine vinegar and red onion.

 Fresh Digby scallops over a bed of sauteed bacon and two kinds of apple 

with a citrus basil vinaigrette.

Painted Turtle Sauvignon Blanc.

Fresh Atlantic Lobster with Nova Scotia corn on the cob 

and apple-bacon-brown sugar coleslaw.

Pepperwood Grove Voignier white wine.

 Toasting the success of this perfect evening!

How could I not document this incredibly delectable final pre-cleanse meal! Jamie really went above and beyond and created a sinfully delicious seafood spectacular. I think Alexis was pleased ('Oh my god, these scallops are like nothing I've ever had in my life!'), and I had a mesmerizing last taste of living creature for three whole weeks! I will admit I feel a little heavy in the tummy, but it was more than worth every delicious morsel. 

As I type this I am drinking my last glass of milk for twenty one days. It's a sad moment for me as the succulent creamy nourishment and I have a very close relationship. I go through about four litres of milk every two or three days, so I had to take a moment to say goodbye. I am terrified this cleanse is going to reveal an intolerance to dairy - how will I live without my morning glass, my feta and goat's cheese, parmesan, creamy alfredo sauces .... I'm getting ahead of myself. The next twenty one days will be the real challenge! I am excited and anxious to get started, even though it will undoubtedly be one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I've got my bag of lemons and cleanse tea ready to go.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for your support, and following me on this journey! I can only assume it will get more interesting now with the new food regime, but I can't wait to share it with all of you, and hopefully documenting this experience will help to keep me on track and strong in my decision! I feel satisfied and full, and anxious for the next three weeks and the exciting new changes they will bring!

Namaste.