a word on inversions.

I feel like I am melting into my couch.

I feel like I've never worked so hard or sweated so much - hmm, don't I feel that after every class?

I am so in love with Jivamukti and at the same time it terrifies me. Now I have spent a fair share of my time at MYH, but I have always stuck to the standard Moksha 60 and 90 minute classes - with a few Yin's thrown in - which I love! I haven't really had the confidence to try a Level II or PowerFlow,  probably in due in large part to the fact that I've only just recently been able to lower myself from Plank into Chaturanga Dandasana (essentially the lowest phase of a push-up) without my arms shaking like two spaghetti noodles in the wind. That can make the subsequent transition into Up-Dog difficult, messy and awkward.

The point I'm trying to fruitlessly make here is as much as I've loved every second of my yoga practice and the way I can feel my body changing as I become better attuned to how it feels and the way it moves - I haven't had the confidence to move beyond the standard set of poses that I see in a Moksha class, or the poses on the DVDs I use at home. I felt so intimidated.

Jivamukti was my first experience of leading off with a chant (which I would include if my memory for Sanskrit wasn't so ... nonexistent). But I do remember the intention behind the chant - it speaks to Lord Ganesha and is sung in times of turmoil or to overcome obstacles (oh I hope I remembered that correctly!) I found it strangely empowering. I've been interested in chanting, but didn't really know how to go about it by myself. And frankly felt a bit odd. Today in the studio it felt very serene, very appropriate. Probably a big part of that for me was the intention behind it - I was able to chant and really mean it. Maybe I could do this after all! 

Beginning in Downward Dog we did a series of flows to the sounds of George Michael's 'Freedom', and other invigorating songs. It was fantastic! I finally felt like I could do flows, and I was actually doing them decently! What an energizing feeling. It really set the pace for a wonderful class! If I could remember it all sequentially you know it'd be here, but a few moments stood out to me ...

It was my first real experience with inversions, which was daunting to say the least! Now when I say inversions, I do mean Handstand, Forearm Stand and Headstand (or as Kirsten joked, the 'Trifecta'). For me today it was more like ... I'll just put my arms where they feel like they should be and kick my legs up in the air! I obviously didn't expect myself to do it or even come close on my first attempts, but it made me realize the vastness of yoga, how no one ever stops learning or growing or changing. It made me so determined to get to that point - to do all of these upside-down, world-flipping poses that I just felt so happy in that moment. Of course alongside this happiness was

"Okay Maia, you will not pass out ... your legs should stop shaking any time ... oh my god you SUCK ... you need water ... your arms should stop shaking any time ... you will not pass out ... " etc, etc.

But it's also so encouraging and motivating, because it makes me never want to stop working on it. So yes - today I may have kicked my legs feebly into the air while trying to hold my 130-pound frame with the strength of my two arms - which now feel like two pieces of uncooked spaghetti trying to hold up a meatloaf - and I may have somersaulted so crookedly I wound up on my neighbour's mat. But I also felt a fire, a passion that made me want to stay in there until I could say I did it! But then I felt the faintness that said I was about to pass out again, and that thought ebbed into my subconscious and has been sitting there, quietly. Waiting for my next inversion endeavour when it will maybe encourage me to stay up an extra breath, or hold those legs just a moment longer. Every day that I make the attempt I am that much closer.

I often experience moments during a class where I think, it would be blissful if I could stay in this hot room and never leave, that is how utterly sublime the relaxation and contentment can be. That is how I felt near the end of the class today when I stayed in my first Shoulder Stand EVER! I felt so proud of myself in that moment that I failed to notice that my legs were shooting out at different angles, slightly bent, one foot flexed, one pointed - I couldn't believe I was doing it!

It should be clear now that I've never done one before. I've thought about attempting it for a while now - it seemed the friendliest of inversions to me and I thought if I could just master Plow I'll be set! But even in the privacy of my own home (aside from a few fishy viewers) I couldn't work up the confidence to do it. My arms are too weak ... I have no core strength ... what if I fall and break my neck when Jamie's out?? Nope, never tried it.

So maybe to some people it's not a big deal to do a Shoulder Stand, but today I felt like I took my practice to the next level. I feel so grateful (see?? I even followed through with my intention.) to have had this experience today, and it really gave me the confidence boost that I think my practice has been craving. A home practice is a glorious thing, I believe a necessary thing, but there is nothing better than sharing a moment like that with a room full of people in the same position (literally and figuratively! ha. ha.) 

As much as I felt like my body just melted into final Savasana from pure exhaustion, I felt so energized and relaxed. Not to mention leaving that room to the rush of the cool air as I proudly put my red sticker on the poster.

So yes, I have developed a yogacrush on Jivamukti, and I eagerly await our second date - Wednesday at 5:30.

I was on such a high from class that I decided to step outside my comfort food bubble and I made peanut butter tofu on rice - it was DELICIOUS! I was so ravenous I forgot to take a photo! But it's okay - first attempt, wasn't so pretty. But the delicious factor made up for it! It felt good, putting something delicious and healthy into my body after such an invigorating class. I may not have started the cleanse right away, but I can at least try to eat healthier!

I hope that Day 1 went just as well for my fellow challengers and cleansers! I know probably not every day will go this well, but for now, day 1: Success!

Now I feel perfectly relaxed and ready to meditate my way into day two, because ...

Sleep is the best meditation. -- Dalai Lama

Namaste.